THE GROWING PANDEMIC OF FOOT-IN-MOUTH DISEASE, Speak the Truth in Love: Part One -- Elisha's Ax Head by Glenn A. Griffis

One Sunday morning, as I was taking notes on my pastor's sermon, someone passed a small folded slip of paper down the pew to me. It asked: “Does this church allow texting during worship? It is disrespectful to the worship when people send text messages!” 

I looked to my right and glaring at me from the end of the pew over 10 other people was a visitor to our church whom I had met earlier that morning in Sunday School. I had no idea why she had sent this note to me. I thought, "Somebody must be texting. She must think I'm an elder and can do something about it." I looked at her, smiled, nodded my head, and went back to taking notes. After the service I saw the woman in the church fellowship hall and said to her, “I don't think we have a church policy on texting, but you can certainly speak to one of the Elders about your concern."

She said, "I just think it is disrespectful and gives the wrong impression to the unchurched."

 "I agree," I said, "See you next week?"

As I was walking out to the car I was thinking about how strange this encounter was, who could possibly have been texting in church, and why would the lady come to me. Then it dawned on me... I have a sermon notes application on my smart phone. I type sermon notes into my phone. The lady, who had been sitting about two or three rows behind me, seeing me inputting data into my phone, assumed I was texting, took umbrage and decided it was her duty to "speak the truth in love," Her motive was to preserve the decorum of worship and to deliver my eternal soul from wherever texters go when they die. How could I take offense at that?

The next Sunday she was back in Adult Sunday School. I went to her and extended my hand, which she did not shake.

I said, “I've been concerned all week about our conversation last Sunday. You are right about texting in church,".

 "Well sometimes, we have 'to speak the truth in love’ if the church is going to grow."

"You are right and I appreciate your intention and your love for me and concern for our church's testimony. I would like to show you what I was doing last Sunday."

I pulled out my phone and opened the application to the previous Sunday's sermon notes, and showed them to her.

"I was actually taking sermon notes on the application in my phone. Lots of people have devices these days. I can understand how people might question what we are doing with them.  I really do appreciate your concern, but I just want you to know that I take notes on my phone, I do not text."

Silence: ...

Then she started talking about the inappropriate times and places where people text and how disrespectful, damaging and dangerous it can be. (No sign of embarrassment. No apology for a misunderstanding.) She explained about times she had been distracted by cell phones in church (I had shut the ringer off on mine, so I was unsure to whom she referred) and she said something again about "speaking the truth in love." I hold no resentment toward her. I understand that she was the victim of the growing pandemic of "foot-in-mouth disease." A pandemic that is killing churches around the world. I too have suffered from the dreaded oral malady. I have misunderstood people's actions and presumed their motives, and said things that have made me look foolish and, regrettably, has sometimes wounded. When I see someone with a bad case of "foot-in-mouth" disease, I am unable to "cast the first stone." My only regret is that she and I were unable to have a conversation about the meaning of Paul's admonition to us to "speak the truth in love?"

As much as transparency and authenticity is essential to a grace community, we are not called to police one another's moral, spiritual or devotional practices. Scripture calls us to be honest and sincere, calling us to confess our sin to each other, and to sometimes admonish or confront. We are to avoid speaking our mind, complaining, to defend ourselves, our opinion, or our reputation. Some Christians falsely paraphrase Paul’s admonition as “saying what we think in love.” Correcting someone for whom we have no responsibility, based on our assumption, or with limited knowledge of the facts is neither truthful nor loving.

Correcting someone for whom we have no responsibility, based on our assumption, or with limited knowledge of the facts is neither truthful nor loving. 

Understanding how and when to "speak the truth in love" preserves “the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace;" it is essential if our churches are going to be life transforming, redemptive communities.

In a post-Christian world where so many people, even our brothers and sisters are destroying their lives, the integrity of the church's witness as well as our compassion for people demand that we [be] “no longer children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. 15 Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. (Eph 4:14-16 ESV) Speaking the truth in love is a measure of our maturity.

The mature, he says, are not caught up by the latest trend; they are not deceived. Instead they "speak the truth in love" and the healthy church, "builds itself up in love." Church health and growth are natural, living out the truth lovingly. Christians grow and churches expand when Christ is the head and we act like a unified body. How does  grace work through the Spirit to bind us together in peace? In Ephesians 2: 1-10. Paul explains how God’s grace alone apprehended by our personal faith alone transforms a person to be what God created them to be. In 2:11-21, he describes how the gospel is built on "the apostles and prophets,” in other words, The Word of God. The truth we speak is a propositional revelation found in the writings of the Old, the prophets, and New Testament, the apostles.

The truth we are called to speak brings unity and peace because it reveals to us God’s truth about our lives (1 Corinthians 2:6-16). Ephesians chapter 4 tells us how to live if we are walking worthy of the grace God has shown.  When I was a pastor I knew I was in trouble when someone came into my office to tell me they were unhappy with the ministry and quoted Ephesians 4:1. The implication was that I or others were hindering the Unity of the Spirit because we did not agree with them or support their personal agenda." They took "the Unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace" to mean when the Spirit led a church everyone was in agreement, and since they knew the mind of the Spirit, it was others who were “dividing the church,” not them. But is that unity? Is a Christian community one where everybody dispassionately agrees about everything? What is the "bond of peace" that holds us together? What is Spirit-led unity? Is it political? Is it organizational harmony, or is it more, a spiritual unity? A church is at peace when we agree about our belief, the truth, and values and relate to one another in love:

I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call—one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift. (Ephesians 4:1-7 ESV)

He urges us to "walk in a matter worthy our call. First unity comes from a demeanor toward one another, "with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love." It's not a matter of agreeing on the agenda items at the business meeting, but always having a humble peaceful demeanor toward one another, even when we disagree. We can have that demeanor when we recognize that we are all called  to minister the same message of truth: one body, one Spirit, one hope of your calling, one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. Christians are unified around a common set of propositional beliefs, or doctrine. 

Second unity comes from sound doctrine, or truth. We share what we believe in a demeanor of humility and gentleness. We speak the truth in love.What how do we speak lovingly? Do we hug and sing Kumbaya? Do we never offend or correct? We live in such a way that others are built up and brought into the body of Christ. The problem in most evangelical churches is seldom truth. We usually get the doctrine right. It is love as Christ love that escapes us. While truth validates our ministry, love empowers it. Everyone I have known who has fallen sway away or been hostile to the gospel, has been influenced more by the actions of Church people than their beliefs


Consider the case of Jeannie Smith. She had been a faithful member of a San Fransico church her entire life. The man she eventually married had also been a member of the same church his entire life. They had both actively participated and ministered in the church. The church was known for preaching the truth, going line by line through every verse of scripture and carefully explaining it. After several years of marriage, her husband had an affair, he left her, and went to live with a woman half his age. He quit attending the church. Jeannie was broken, shocked, her marriage like all marriages had conflict, but she had never expected her husband to break the marriage vows he had made to her and God in the presence of witnesses. She had no desire to separate, and sought reconciliation. She spoke to her pastor and elders. They reminded her of the church’s commitment to permanence and sacredness of marriage, assured her they would pray for her but, offered no help beyond that. Several months later a notice of a divorce filing initiated by her husband appeared in the San Francisco newspaper. Jeannie had not heard from her husband in months, nor had she had personal contact from the church about the matter. Jeannie fully intended to be faithful to her vows, to contest the divorce, to seek counsel from her church, and seek reconciliation.

Following the musical prelude in the next Sunday’s worship service she was asked to come up to the dais. Jeannie had been on the dais many times. They had always been times of recognition or celebration of some life accomplishment of ministry. Surprised, but anticipating a joyful event, she went forward. The chairman of the elder board joined her on the dais. He read a prepared statement from the church’s governing board that included the oft quoted bible verse, "God hates divorce." With no prior warning an announcement of her pending divorce was made to the congregation of over 3000. Since her divorce violated scripture and her church membership covenant, she was excommunicated from membership. No church member was to have any fellowship or contact with her. No mention was made of her husband. No prayer or consolation was offered on her behalf. They declared their doctrine of marital sanctity and made her an example of what happens to those who stray from it. In their view they were, "speaking the truth." But where was the love?

Wounded and bewildered Jeannie walked down the center aisle of the church. She felt the cold stares as she walked out the front door in tears. Gathering her thoughts and emotions Jeannie continued down the street and walked into another church a few blocks down --The Peoples Temple. There someone noticed her crying, put an arm around her, embraced her, she told them she "felt as discarded as a dirty dishrag," The temple welcomed her. She would later say, "they loved me, and accepted me, and made use of my abilities," They began helping her through the difficulties of her separation and divorce. Although Jeannie knew the truth of scripture she had never know a loving community. She was drawn to the love shown her. Truth without love was powerless in her life, and therefore meaningless. She embraced the teaching of the People's Temple Cult, because she found love there. Despite her deep evangelical roots she became a leader in the dangerous destructive cult. She accompanied them to Guyana where they established a commune to wait for the apocalypse. She was one of the few who survived the mass suicide the group would implement. Jeannie Smith's testimony teaches us that love keeps truth from being harsh, and truth keeps love from being permissive.[i]

Jeannie Smith's testimony teaches us that love keeps truth from being harsh, and truth keeps love from being permissive.

The testimony of Jeannie Smith teaches that while truth validates our call love empowers it. We are united in truth content and bound in love:

Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. (Ephesians 4:15-16 ESV) 

Throughout the fourth chapter of Ephesians Paul juxtaposes doctrinal truth with demonstrable love. Together they unleash the power of the Spirit, transforming our spirit, binding the church together and bringing harmony True people of God are people of the book. They have a propositional content they declare without equivocation or compromise, but realizing their own brokenness and dependence on the Spirit, they teach sound doctrine "with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love." Speaking the truth in love has nothing to do with telling people what we think they need to hear in order to persuade them that we are right.

 Speaking the truth in love has nothing to do with telling people what we think they need to hear in order to persuade them that we are right.

Jesus Christ cast judgment on the Ephesian church because they failed to speak the truth in love:

"I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance, and how you cannot bear with those who are evil, but have tested those who call themselves apostles and are not, and found them to be false. I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name's sake, and you have not grown weary. But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first."(Revelation 2:2-4 ESV)

The Ephesians church taught the truth, but they neglected love. We speak the truth in love when we are uncompromising in truth and unwavering in love to each other and to the world. Many churches are imbalanced in one direction or the other. They are known for love, benevolence and helping the hurting; others are known for declaring what God says about every situation and event. They are prophets forth-telling what God is saying. Our words and deeds are always tempered by love, and our love never compromises on the truth. Some churches however, neglect the truth for the sake of love.

We live in an era where the gospel message and evangelical Christians are despised. We are confronted every day with relationships that challenge our values. We are accused of being prudish and intolerant. How do we communicate the gospel to a culture that that often holds us in contempt?  When Christian bakers, seamstresses, photographers, florists are asked to provide a service for a gay wedding can we represent the truth in a way that is kind, gracious, loving and forbearing? When we deal with the Christian brother or sister who is wayward, or reprobate, do we have to correct their every statement and behavior? When people come into our congregations do they find winsomeness and warmth or do or they find us to be aloof, patronizing, Pharisaical? Many of us think we know the answers to every biblical question. When we make pronouncements without knowing anything about the person asking the question, we are risking wounding them. If truth is communicated without love, we are patronizing. If love is communicated without truth, we are hypocritical. An understanding of grace that transforms requires a commitment to orthodoxy in a milieu of love.

If truth is communicated without love, we are patronizing. If love is communicated without truth, we are hypocritical. 

The recent terrorist attack in Orlando provides an opportunity for the church of Jesus Christ to show their compassion and kindness to people with great emotional and spiritual need. When Westboro Baptist Church pickets funerals with pejorative signs, they speak neither the truth nor love. What they speak is not the gospel message that transforms by the Spirit and brings peace. When we deal with a young mother, a classmate or co-worker who is considering abortion, do we do more than raise an objection? Do we help them with the challenges of single parenting? Do we isolate the young single pregnant teen from our youth groups, out of fear that they will lead our children astray, effectively giving her a scarlet letter? Do we help with the physical and emotional needs of an unwanted pregnancy? When we speak to our spouse or children about their inappropriate or insensitive behavior, is our tone acerbic or demeaning? Do we express our feelings and hurt to them with gentleness? When our church makes a programing decision that impacts our personal ministry, do we seek the interest or do we seek to protect what we consider to be our ministry? The church advances when we carry the gospel forward in spirit and in truth or when we "speak the truth in love."

Recently the President of an Indianapolis seminary testifying to the legislature about a controversial bill to protect religious freedom said the Church has historically approved homosexuality, or when the National Cathedral hosts Islamic prayer services, the truth is compromised in the name of love. Ministry that gives eternal, abundant life and transforms people speaks the truth in love.

So how and when do we "speak the truth in love?" We have all been betrayed, hurt. We are all affected negatively by our sins or those of our Christian brothers and sisters. We all know the anxiety and resentment that builds when there are things between us that are unresolved. The Bible says, there is "a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;" (Ecclesiastes 3:7 ESV). How do we know what time it is? When and how do we speak the truth? My next post offers some practical steps to follow when you are unsure whether to keep silent or speak up. Coming next THE PREVENTION OF FOOT IN MOUTH DISEASE. 

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[i] (Graham, Billy, APPROACHING HOOFBEATS: THE FOUR HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE, Grason, Box 1240, Minneapolis, MN, 55440, copyright 1983 by Billy Graham, pp 97 & 98)