Did You Say Your Name Was Blair?
I have some good memories from my job as a customer service representative in an inbound telephone call center. Some of those good memories are of some hilarious conversations I had with customers:
After answering a call with our specified company greeting the customer said,
"Did you say your name was Blair?"
After answering a call with our specified company greeting the customer said,
"Did you say your name was Blair?"
"No sir, I said it was Glenn."
"Oh, okay..., Blair."
"No sir, my name is ... Glenn!"
"Oh... I was sure you said it was... Blair!... Spell your name for me, please?"
"Okay sir. It is Glenn.... G... - L... - E ...- N... - N!"
" Oh, I was right. okay, thank you, Blair."
For the six years that I worked for that company, many of my colleagues there called me, "Blair." It gave us all a good laugh, and besides I have been called worse: "dude," for example. Call me "Blair" if you would like, just please never call me "dude."
A person's name is important. It separates them from all the other people on the face of the earth. I appreciated that my customer wanted to call me by name, even though he never got it right. He wanted to identify with me, and personalize our conversation calling me by name. Using my name communicated to me that I was more than an inert voice on the phone to him. Using someone's name, especially their first name recognizes not only that they are a person, but that they are a unique and special person.
My name, for example: Glenn Alan Griffis: my last name Griffis, tells a lot about me. It has linguistic roots in a certain ethnicity and culture. It tells from where my family came. It tells something about my history, ethnicity, religious background and even my biases. It identifies my family and me from all other families on this planet. My first name Glenn (with two "n's") separates me from all the other members of my family. When combined with my last name it distinguishes me from all the Glen's with one "n," and all the other Glenn's with two "n's" on the planet. My first and last name used together connects me with my parents and my brother. Most people who know my family are able to distinguish me from every other member of my family. They remember that of the two Griffis boys birthed back in the 1950's by Fred and Marcia of Tampa, Florida that I was the only one who moved out of Florida at an early age. They also remember that I am the smarter and the better looking one of the two! My middle name Alan, only my immediate family uses. That is the name that connotes particular intimate knowledge. When my mother or my wife calls me "Glenn Alan," it's time to listen. Using someone's name is incipient to a relationship, because it is the first step in humanizing communication. Animals do not call each other by name. Name's connote relationship and respect.
My name, for example: Glenn Alan Griffis: my last name Griffis, tells a lot about me. It has linguistic roots in a certain ethnicity and culture. It tells from where my family came. It tells something about my history, ethnicity, religious background and even my biases. It identifies my family and me from all other families on this planet. My first name Glenn (with two "n's") separates me from all the other members of my family. When combined with my last name it distinguishes me from all the Glen's with one "n," and all the other Glenn's with two "n's" on the planet. My first and last name used together connects me with my parents and my brother. Most people who know my family are able to distinguish me from every other member of my family. They remember that of the two Griffis boys birthed back in the 1950's by Fred and Marcia of Tampa, Florida that I was the only one who moved out of Florida at an early age. They also remember that I am the smarter and the better looking one of the two! My middle name Alan, only my immediate family uses. That is the name that connotes particular intimate knowledge. When my mother or my wife calls me "Glenn Alan," it's time to listen. Using someone's name is incipient to a relationship, because it is the first step in humanizing communication. Animals do not call each other by name. Name's connote relationship and respect.
The Bible tells us that Adam named the animals (Genesis 2:20). It does not say they named him. It shows one of the ways that humanity reflects the image of God and the sacredness of the human race. Names both identify us with and separate us from God, from every other person on the earth and from animals (Ephesians 3:14 &15). Although we name our pets, they do not name us, naming them actually makes them subject to us. We honor God when we use his name, rightly. His name is holy and not to be taken in vain (Exodus 20:7). The Bible says to give "honor to whom honor" is owed (Romans 13:7). Using someone's name assigns dignity to them. Even if their role in society seems insignificant, it shows they have value because they are human above the animals. They have relationship with God and man. A name shows dignity. At the hospital where I work occasionally stillborn babies are delivered who are never given a name. We list them as the "baby of" with their mother's last name. They come into the world with no one recognizing their unique identity. They have no dignity. A name gives a person a modicum of respect.
To respect someone means we treat them special. Names recognize people's status, accomplishment or roles. We call our professor "doctor," in respect, of her knowledge and expertise. We may call a clergy person "reverend" or "pastor." We respect their call. We refer to the chief executive of our government as "President, or Governor." The title shows respect for the position they hold and the responsibility afforded them. Names and sobriquets do not mean some people are better than others, but they do recognize different relationships and roles we play in relation to each other. A title or a name, recognizes the worth of someone's accomplishments or position. When you call someone by their name you recognize that they are an individual. You show them respect simply because they are an individual. But what does it mean when you call someone "dude?"
To respect someone means we treat them special. Names recognize people's status, accomplishment or roles. We call our professor "doctor," in respect, of her knowledge and expertise. We may call a clergy person "reverend" or "pastor." We respect their call. We refer to the chief executive of our government as "President, or Governor." The title shows respect for the position they hold and the responsibility afforded them. Names and sobriquets do not mean some people are better than others, but they do recognize different relationships and roles we play in relation to each other. A title or a name, recognizes the worth of someone's accomplishments or position. When you call someone by their name you recognize that they are an individual. You show them respect simply because they are an individual. But what does it mean when you call someone "dude?"
When I grew up late in the 1950's or 60's "dude" was a pejorative term. It referred to a male who was a dandy, a fob or effeminate. It connoted homosexuality at a time when homosexuality was still unacceptable. As homosexuality became acceptable the word "dude" began to take on a more innocuous meaning. In the 70's an 80's a dude, looked or acted awkwardly formal or silly. It was fully transformed into its current use on television sitcom Step by Step in the 1990's.
The comedy aired from September 20, 1991 - June 26, 1998. Divorced, father of three, Frank Lambert (played by Patrick Duffy) married widowed, mother of three, Carol Foster (played by Suzanne Somers) also living with them was Frank's nephew, Cody Lambert, (played by Sasha Mitchell) who lived in his van in the family driveway. Cody was the source of much of the comedic drama and tension in the series. After creating confusion or conflict in the house he would retreat to his van leaving Frank or Carol to resolve the problem. When the other characters attempted to engage him he remained aloof taking no responsibility for anything he had done or said. When interacting with other characters he rarely used their name. He called them "dude," remaining distant and detached. He was the quintessential gen-x-er. No commitment, self focused, no connections. No sense of responsibility or accountability. All that mattered was his own happiness. Though he avoided hurting people actively, being apathetic was okay. He had no need for relationship or engaging people. Cody was the ultimate nihilist. His character became immensely popular among teens of that era who began following Cody's example of using "dude" to address anyone and everyone. The term "dude," became part of the eras teen slang. As that generation matured the reference to "dude" remained a common form of address. (The same way "cool" became a statement of approval for mine). If calling me dude, means you regard me the way Cody regarded his family (which it does) then please do not call me "dude."
The comedy aired from September 20, 1991 - June 26, 1998. Divorced, father of three, Frank Lambert (played by Patrick Duffy) married widowed, mother of three, Carol Foster (played by Suzanne Somers) also living with them was Frank's nephew, Cody Lambert, (played by Sasha Mitchell) who lived in his van in the family driveway. Cody was the source of much of the comedic drama and tension in the series. After creating confusion or conflict in the house he would retreat to his van leaving Frank or Carol to resolve the problem. When the other characters attempted to engage him he remained aloof taking no responsibility for anything he had done or said. When interacting with other characters he rarely used their name. He called them "dude," remaining distant and detached. He was the quintessential gen-x-er. No commitment, self focused, no connections. No sense of responsibility or accountability. All that mattered was his own happiness. Though he avoided hurting people actively, being apathetic was okay. He had no need for relationship or engaging people. Cody was the ultimate nihilist. His character became immensely popular among teens of that era who began following Cody's example of using "dude" to address anyone and everyone. The term "dude," became part of the eras teen slang. As that generation matured the reference to "dude" remained a common form of address. (The same way "cool" became a statement of approval for mine). If calling me dude, means you regard me the way Cody regarded his family (which it does) then please do not call me "dude."
Cody is the role model for the political correct politicians and academics of our time. Cody's are disconnected, disengaged, disrespectful and disappointed in themselves. They are more motivated by guilt than by personal accomplishment. Calling someone "dude," means they are not significant. You will not go out of your way to befriend them. It points to a serious problem in our culture. Respect for people is no longer valued. Children now call their parents and other adults by their first name (mine never did). Pundits refer to the President by just his last name. Social media and the Internet with emails and instant message, contributes to a lack of seriousness in this generation. When you fail to respect those who are worthy of respect it means you have lost a sense of what is important. You have demeaned them and diminished yourself. You are like Cody living in the van on the driveway. The world is passing you by and you don't even know what is happening. Only the pleasure of the moment matters. Calling someone "dude," is meaningless and it makes them meaningless.
Dude is such a dud word. Addressing someone as"dude" means you regard them as a dud. It shows how impersonal our culture and society have become. We no longer use labels to avoid any distinctions between people. We try not to say anything that makes someone sound better or more accomplished or that might imply something negative or weak. To offend is the ultimate offense. We try to treat everybody with neutrality. Political correctness leads to denying any distinction. Instead of showing honor to whom it is due. Calling someone dude neutralizes. Frankly I have too much self respect to let anyone treat me so ungraciously. If you don't know my name ask it. I will tell you, and if you misunderstand it and call me "Blair," I will laugh it off. But please have enough respect for your self and honor for me to never, ever to call me "dude."
In an age where we are constantly told word's matter. In an age where a commercial runs on the super bowl decrying the phrase "you throw like a girl." Dude is a perfect word. Dude softens, dude trivializes. Dude is not supposed to offend because it doesn't mean anything offensive like using someone's name. After all using my name, which is Welsh, might offend someone with a name like Mohammad or Abdul, plus pronouncing it requires them to speak an American dialect, and that is racist! It highlights the differences between us. Calling someone dude is supposedly just a friendly way of leveling the field or so it is said. It keeps everyone separate denies the things that connect us. Verbal neutrality makes us all Cody's living in the driveway in the van. It is the essence of politically correct, or gender neutral speech. Calling someone dude asserts their insignificance, "hey, dude," says I don't need relationship with you. Your name doesn't matter. If someone uses your name, they have to take responsibility for what they say to you and for the impact of their words. People who call each other dude just go back out to the driveway and live in the van.
Now to be fair there are a few places where "dude" may be appropriate, because relationship is unimportant. I was at an event in Veterans Stadium in Philadelphia and purchased a soft drink from a vendor who was working in the aisles. I handed the money for the purchase to the person next to me who passed it down the row to the vendor. The vendor handed it to the person in the aisle seat who stood up looked down the row. I made eye contact with him and he said,
"Hey, dude, is this yours?"
"Yeh" I said.
He then handed it and my change to the person next to him, who passed it down the row until I had hold of it, then waved. However, even though I was unoffended, because we had no relationship. It still proves my point about the neutrality of the word. Had the person merely turned and handed the cup and the change to the person next to him, each person would have passed it down the aisle until it got to me. It made no difference. I have had toll both operators to whom I have given cash call me dude. It is appropriate because we are engaging in an insignificant task that requires no relationship. When you call someone dude you let them know how completely insignificant they are to you.
So how do I handle it when someone, says waiter, a salesperson in a store, or on the phone calls me dude, I say to them, "Thanks for helping me, but my name is not 'dude.' " I am amazed at how often people are given pause by that comment or are offended by a simple request to assert my own self respect by requesting my name be used. Today Cody Lamont is a role model. We spurn accountability and responsibility. Respect for individuality and dignity is no longer valued. I personally am taking a stand against it. I want to be known for who I am and what I believe. I reject gender neutrality and political correctness. I refuse to be called "dude." Call me "Blair," if you must, but please, please don't call me "dude."
In an age where we are constantly told word's matter. In an age where a commercial runs on the super bowl decrying the phrase "you throw like a girl." Dude is a perfect word. Dude softens, dude trivializes. Dude is not supposed to offend because it doesn't mean anything offensive like using someone's name. After all using my name, which is Welsh, might offend someone with a name like Mohammad or Abdul, plus pronouncing it requires them to speak an American dialect, and that is racist! It highlights the differences between us. Calling someone dude is supposedly just a friendly way of leveling the field or so it is said. It keeps everyone separate denies the things that connect us. Verbal neutrality makes us all Cody's living in the driveway in the van. It is the essence of politically correct, or gender neutral speech. Calling someone dude asserts their insignificance, "hey, dude," says I don't need relationship with you. Your name doesn't matter. If someone uses your name, they have to take responsibility for what they say to you and for the impact of their words. People who call each other dude just go back out to the driveway and live in the van.
Now to be fair there are a few places where "dude" may be appropriate, because relationship is unimportant. I was at an event in Veterans Stadium in Philadelphia and purchased a soft drink from a vendor who was working in the aisles. I handed the money for the purchase to the person next to me who passed it down the row to the vendor. The vendor handed it to the person in the aisle seat who stood up looked down the row. I made eye contact with him and he said,
"Hey, dude, is this yours?"
"Yeh" I said.
He then handed it and my change to the person next to him, who passed it down the row until I had hold of it, then waved. However, even though I was unoffended, because we had no relationship. It still proves my point about the neutrality of the word. Had the person merely turned and handed the cup and the change to the person next to him, each person would have passed it down the aisle until it got to me. It made no difference. I have had toll both operators to whom I have given cash call me dude. It is appropriate because we are engaging in an insignificant task that requires no relationship. When you call someone dude you let them know how completely insignificant they are to you.
So how do I handle it when someone, says waiter, a salesperson in a store, or on the phone calls me dude, I say to them, "Thanks for helping me, but my name is not 'dude.' " I am amazed at how often people are given pause by that comment or are offended by a simple request to assert my own self respect by requesting my name be used. Today Cody Lamont is a role model. We spurn accountability and responsibility. Respect for individuality and dignity is no longer valued. I personally am taking a stand against it. I want to be known for who I am and what I believe. I reject gender neutrality and political correctness. I refuse to be called "dude." Call me "Blair," if you must, but please, please don't call me "dude."
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